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Radio’s Paul Hawksbee in
conversation with TV’s Rabbi Crackers http://www.fromthelane.co.uk/Docs/hawksbeeinterview.htm Rabbi Crackers performance against West Ham on Fanzone! ..
Are you suffering from high Sugar levels? Do you find that you have to keep making a point of being
associated with a charity? Either by donating your fee from an ad campaign,
or feature the same charity in your over scripted TV show? Even though what you donate pro rata to your own wealth
probably counts as less in percentage terms to that of a working man donating
a tenner a month directly out of his wages. Do you find that when being interviewed by Match of the
Day a few seasons back you had to show incredible amounts of double
standards? Did you sit there and berate two fans in the interview
for daring to shout something at you from the High road whilst you was in the
back of your chauffeur driven car, and tell the interviewer that; that is no
way to behave and any fan that has a gripe should seek an appointment to
speak in private about the issue? Did you then after this in the interview show the said
breathtaking double standards by berating Jurgen Klinsmann for not agreeing to stay another season, and
then throw his (Klinsmann) shirt at the interviewer and tell him you
wouldn’t even wash your car with it? You know, THAT car, that has to be
seen 1000 times in every episode of your show including the number plate
because we all know a private number plate just oozes Essex ‘class’. Do you like to have the myth touted that you saved a
financially ailing club from going to the wall, even though the truth is that
Midland bank had said that they would never foreclose on the debt as they
feared the negative press and backlash by fans of the club withdrawing their
money and going elsewhere? If you answer yes to
all the above then you may be suffering from high sugar levels and should
make your way to hospital immediately. Although a word of warning, should you
find yourself in |
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Columnist
Profile – Rabbi Crackers Coming soon |
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Sir Bill Nicholson 1919-2004 It's very hard to put any new words to what has already been said by better and greater Spurs than I. He made the club what it is today and hopefully his philosophy will continue to be instilled into generations of Spurs fans to come. Talking
of generations to come I took my seven month old son (William Nicholson Cracknell) to White Hart Lane with me today to sign the
book of condolence. It was young Bill's first ever trip to the lane and it
seemed a very fitting time.
Whilst at the Lane today I couldn't resist making my Sons first contact with THFC a memorable one. I stood his tiny feet on the pitch and wished for the day when like today he is wearing his home shirt and once again those feet (sponsored by Adidas!!) grace the pitch doing the business for the first XI. I'm sure Bill Nick was above watching this, and had a rye smile watching a Dad dreaming of his Sons future. God bless Bill and thank you
Click here to see highlights of the commentary topspurs columnist Rabbi Crackers did for Sky's Fanzone during the win over Villa last season
Monday
14th June 2004 – Its funny who you bump into in Poyet asked me to tell you all thanks for the wonderful support he received at spurs and thanks for the great send off at the end of last season.
Monday 7th June 2004 - Does anyone else ever play this silly Google game….. Take
someone’s name; a friend, your own name, and put it into Google. It can
throw up real pearlers and some stinkers as to who
shares a name with you. For example when I put my name in it brings up a
brave captain of a So of course it was rude not to put the name Santini into Google and see what was spat back out.
Here’s a little resume of the results……. The Great Santini A film starring Robert Duvall, made in the late seventies where the head of the family runs the household with an iron fist. The film was hailed by critics as a good un.
Santini Aparel These people make cycling clothing at the highest level, and would appear to be a quality brand. I’m not really a great wearer of the cycling shorts to be honest……… you may stop laughing now, so I’ll take their word for it that they are a Grade A product. Santini restaurant Italian
gaffe in
So it would appear that the name Santini is synonymous with quality and success. But what of the Santini that Spurs fans are interested in? Will he be added to this list?
I am both equally pleased and relieved that this whole drawn out saga has now concluded, and that a management team is in place to pick up the baton (shaped a lot like a challis if you ask me!!) and hopefully take the team to level that is a fair reflection of the fans abilities and quality.
For me the main man in all this is Frank Arnesen. I have spoken to someone in the past few weeks who has a fair few dealings with him both commercially and in the football aspect and he tells me that the man is truly awesome as a director of football. If there is a talent anywhere in the world Frank knows of him and will have a means of talking to the player’s people too. He is the man who brought the fat chipmunk to PSV (now at Real Madrid) and if he can bring another of the Copacabana beach boys to the lane we may begin to not only start to achieve the success we all so desperately crave, but damn it be entertained too like the good old days of Hoddle, Greaves, Gazza et all.
My man also tells me that when he visited PSV’s training ground that Arnesen run, it was more like visiting a Government research compound, where football was married with life sciences and physical well being studies. So it would seem that the days of Teddy and his fridge full of ale are to be consigned to where they belong at Bent Arrys south coast retirement home.
So back
to Santini and this for me is where I think the board may have gone slightly
off message. Please don’t get me wrong Santini gets my full unequivocal
backing and it certainly isn’t an appointment of a Curbishley
or a sourness but I am not 100% sold on his pedigree to be honest. Yes he did
turn
His Vieira is now Michael Brown His Zidane is now Redkrapp His Desailly is now Richards or Doherty His Henry is now Kanoute
I wish Mr Santini all the very best.
Sunday 9th May 2004 - A simple message to the board at THFC and what I feel is needed for next season. If you hire mediocre people, they will hire mediocre people. (Tom Murphy) One would like to be grand and heroic, if one could; but if not, why try at all? One wants to be very something, very great, very heroic; or if not that, then at least very stylish and very fashionable. It is this everlasting mediocrity that bores me. (Harriet Beecher Stowe) We need to find the courage to say NO to the things and people that are not serving us if we want to rediscover ourselves and live our lives with authenticity. (Barbara De Angelis) Courage is the first of human qualities because it is the quality which guarantees all others. (Winston Churchill) Give us the fortitude to endure the things which cannot be changed, and the courage to change the things which should be changed, ;and the wisdom to know one from the other. (Oliver J. Hart) You cannot fly like an eagle with wings of a wren. (William Henry Hudson)
It has really been an amazing season of differing fortunes I always tend to judge the season not just in football terms but the whole shhbang! My son Bill
Nic was born and a picture of my boy made the
versus But then we have to go back to the very reason we are all here Tottenham Hotspur, and more specifically the football side of it (yes apparently in amongst all the crap they try and sell you in the shops the lost causes that are yoof academies there is a football team) I have seen worse Spurs sides than the current one, but fcuk me I’ve never seen a team with such little heart, such lack of leaders, with so little drive, balls and bravery. Which leads me back nicely to the very first and probably most apt quote at the top of the page, a mediocre chairman appointed a very mediocre caretaker manager and we then went onto see a very mediocre team this season. For me Levy et all are now in the last chance saloon, this is their last throw of the dice, they have already fucked up a few times in my book, i.e. the badly timed sacking of Hoddle, the continued support and promotion of the odious Pleat and the badly judged abuse of season ticket holders loyalty (loss of discount in the club shop loss of cup voucher refunds etc) So the new man or if sources are to be believed, men are on their way, they along with the board get my 100% backing for one last time, I have to for the sake of the club I love, but if all goes the shape of a pear with what must now be plan D and given that ENIC have shafted the fans over too many times before then the following quote applies All the old knives that have rusted in my back, I drive in yours – Phaedrus (Thrace of Macedonia)
5th February 2004 – A suggestion to Mr Levy Sir Given last night’s complete capitulation against the might of ten men man city may I suggest the following: - This weeks over inflated wages that is being paid to the spineless XI that have disgraced our club and club motto, should be paid in cheque form instead of the normal draft into their Swiss accounts. Salary cheques to be made available on a table, on the centre spot at White Hart Lane between 1450 hrs and 1455 hrs this Saturday for this amount of time and on this date only. If it isn't collected it isn't paid and returned instead into club funds or donated to a worthy charity (may I suggest the Samaritans as they are doing some sterling work for the fanbase at the moment) I would be very interested to see who has the bolloxs to walk out there and get their cheque cos it would mean they have grown a pair since last night. Yours despairingly Rabbi Crackers
Sunday 25th January 2004 – Fred Dowry R.I.P As many of you may now be aware
Fred Dowry passed away travelling to For those of you that didn’t know Fred, he had attended over 600 consecutive Spurs games that included friendlies, overseas tournaments and more or less anywhere that someone was pulling on a lilywhite shirt, Fred was there. A regular to the Northumberland Arms pre match, I did once or twice have a chat with him about his passion for THFC and just how he managed to be so committed in attending games, especially as we haven’t been the most glamorous team to follow since 1990 when Fred began his unblemished attendance record. He lived for the club and match days and as you can imagine was very knowledgeable not just about Spurs but the game generally. I don’t really know what else to say except Spurs and Football have lost a great supporter and wherever Fred is now if there is a football team it really is their gain and our sad loss. I hope now the club can find a fitting way to honour Fred’s patronage, I do know that a few e mails have been sent to the club asking for a minutes silence the night we play Citeh in the replay, maybe a floral tribute on his seat for the night too. I understand the trust are going to make some approaches to the club to see what can be done and I’m sure that over the coming days we will hear from those involved what has been arranged. My thoughts and sympathies go out tonight to the family and friends of Fred.
Saturday 24th January 2004 - Your Support is F****ING S**T…… YOUR SUPPORT IS F**KING S**T For those of you that haven’t seen the following, it is the body of text from a web page over at pikeyslags.com. May I also tell you that it is genuine and does really exist on their site, straight up 100% genuine.
So let’s have a little dissection of this shall we. Feb 1st is fans day. What the fuck is every other fixture at Scumbury then? Non fans day?Keep the noise down this is Highbury day?...What the fcuk…..fans day.
Karaoke in the North Wank Well it makes a nice change for them from the seventies when it was Yiddos in the North bank!! The club, bless em are providing song sheets. Well I suppose that songs are sung so rarely that they’ll all need a reminder for the lyrics. I thought they would all be familiar with the words of ‘Gypsies, Tramps and Thieves’!!
Half time Henry Well whoever sits and thinks these ‘catchy’ titles up for each individual event, certainly aint writing jingles or adverts for telly are they!! Half time Henry just rolls of the tongue ehh!! Karaoke in the North bank …. Champion …it’s the next ‘beanz meanz heinz’!!! So this halftime sing along with some opera bloke, while 75% of the pikeys are behind the stands having a hedgehog sandwich and trying to flog a bit of lucky heather, involves him singing Scum favourites like Volare (or as the philistines know it the Viera song). How funny would it be if Tony Henry has a bit of a brainstorm and accidentally starts to sing about Barrymore’s pool!!!
And lastly and really leastly We have dress to impress. The club is looking for the goon who can do his coat up as high as possible around his neck while scurrying up the seven sisters road…….oh im sorry that’s when they are leaving White Hart Lane, silly me.
So there
you have it. They have been to Last week I put a nail in the tabloids coffin dispelling the myth they peddle that Anderton is a sick note. This week the lid is shut for good, for next time you read about the ‘fickle spurs fans’ remember the level of support that we give our club financially, emotionally and vocally and all we have to show is ten to fifteen years of moribund mediocrity and then think about the goons that have it all and show no thanks.
Sunday 18th January 2004 Shame on you all…but one other than me (you know who you are!!) Right a little role-play. I want you to lie down on the couch, and Professor Crackers is going to perform some psychological tests and personality profiling. Okay to begin with a little word association…. ANDERTON…………… I bet you said sick note didn’t you? mmmmmm, you did didn’t you? Okay test over you have failed miserably. You are suffering from what’s commonly known as ‘Ibelievewhatthegutterpresswriteitus’ But don’t panic, I’m like the yellow pages…I’m not just here for the nasty things in life!! And I can cure you. Study the tables below, drink them in, and let the statistics that fill your senses take you over ……….
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