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TOPSPURS
COLUMNISTS THE CRACKERS VIEW Last Updated: Thursday, 24 June 2004, 12:59 AM Contact Crackers: theyids@hotmail.com |
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THE TOPSPURS COLUMNISTS |
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Monday 14th June 2004 – Its funny who you bump into in Lisbon airport…
Poyet asked me to tell you all thanks for the wonderful support he received at spurs and thanks for the great send off at the end of last season.
Monday 7th June 2004 - Does anyone else ever play this
silly Google game…..
Take someone’s name; a friend, your own name, and put it
into Google. It can throw up real pearlers and some stinkers as to who shares a
name with you. For example when I put my name in it brings up a brave captain
of a Norfolk lifeboat. Put in Jim Duggan for example and you get a boss eyed
American wrestler with a lump of 4x2 slung over his shoulder (oh well some
people with the same name can be similar in reality!!! ; -)
So of course it was rude not to put the name Santini into
Google and see what was spat back out.
Here’s a little resume of the results…….
The Great Santini
A film starring Robert Duvall, made in the late seventies
where the head of the family runs the household with an iron fist. The film was
hailed by critics as a good un.
Santini Aparel
These people make cycling clothing at the highest level, and
would appear to be a quality brand. I’m not really a great wearer of the
cycling shorts to be honest……… you may stop laughing now, so I’ll take their
word for it that they are a Grade A product.
Italian gaffe in Victoria that has had some rave reviews
that its one of the best pasta houses outside of Italy (I wonder if Messrs
Trapatonni and Ranieri ever frequent it??)
So it would appear that the name Santini is synonymous with
quality and success. But what of the Santini that Spurs fans are interested in?
Will he be added to this list?
I am both equally pleased and relieved that this whole drawn
out saga has now concluded, and that a management team is in place to pick up
the baton (shaped a lot like a challis if you ask me!!) and hopefully take the
team to level that is a fair reflection of the fans abilities and quality.
For me the main man in all this is Frank Arnesen. I have
spoken to someone in the past few weeks who has a fair few dealings with him
both commercially and in the football aspect and he tells me that the man is
truly awesome as a director of football. If there is a talent anywhere in the
world Frank knows of him and will have a means of talking to the player’s
people too. He is the man who brought the fat chipmunk to PSV (now at Real
Madrid) and if he can bring another of the Copacabana beach boys to the lane we
may begin to not only start to achieve the success we all so desperately crave,
but damn it be entertained too like the good old days of Hoddle, Greaves, Gazza
et all.
My man also tells me that when he visited PSV’s training ground
that Arnesen run, it was more like visiting a Government research compound,
where football was married with life sciences and physical well being studies.
So it would seem that the days of Teddy and his fridge full of ale are to be
consigned to where they belong at Bent Arrys south coast retirement home.
So back to Santini and this for me is where I think the
board may have gone slightly off message. Please don’t get me wrong Santini
gets my full unequivocal backing and it certainly isn’t an appointment of a
Curbishley or a sourness but I am not 100% sold on his pedigree to be honest.
Yes he did turn Lyon into a decent domestic side, but then this is French
domestic football we are talking about so he could be considered a little ‘Le
Martin O Neil’. When technical director at Lyon the club made it to the quarter
finals of the Champs league (1999) which is a fair achievement and wouldn’t be
too upset to see us in that position within a couple of years. He then went on
to coach the French national side, which has of course has a plethora of world
stars in its ranks. So now the question is can Santini do the business given
the following task?
His Vieira is now Michael Brown
His Zidane is now Redkrapp
His Desailly is now Richards or Doherty
His Henry is now Kanoute
I wish Mr Santini all the very best.
Sunday 9th May 2004 - A simple message to the board at THFC and what I feel is needed for next season.
If you hire mediocre people, they will hire mediocre people. (Tom Murphy)
One would like to be grand and heroic, if one could; but if not, why try at all? One wants to be very something, very great, very heroic; or if not that, then at least very stylish and very fashionable. It is this everlasting mediocrity that bores me. (Harriet Beecher Stowe)
We need to find the courage to say NO to the things and people that are not serving us if we want to rediscover ourselves and live our lives with authenticity. (Barbara De Angelis)
Courage is the first of human qualities because it is the quality which guarantees all others. (Winston Churchill)
Give us the fortitude to endure the things which cannot be changed, and the courage to change the things which should be changed, ;and the wisdom to know one from the other. (Oliver J. Hart)
You cannot fly like an eagle with wings of a wren. (William Henry Hudson)
It has really been an amazing season of differing fortunes I always tend to judge the season not just in football terms but the whole shhbang!
My son Bill Nic was born and a picture of my boy made the versus Chelsea programme. I found myself commentating for Skytv in the fanzone which was a great experience and there was the brilliant away days of Charlton and Leeds On top of all this there was always the friends I have made through the topspurs message board.
But then we have to go back to the very reason we are all here Tottenham Hotspur, and more specifically the football side of it (yes apparently in amongst all the crap they try and sell you in the shops the lost causes that are yoof academies there is a football team)
I have seen worse Spurs sides than the current one, but fcuk me I’ve never seen a team with such little heart, such lack of leaders, with so little drive, balls and bravery.
Which leads me back nicely to the very first and probably most apt quote at the top of the page, a mediocre chairman appointed a very mediocre caretaker manager and we then went onto see a very mediocre team this season.
For me Levy et all are now in the last chance saloon, this is their last throw of the dice, they have already fucked up a few times in my book, i.e. the badly timed sacking of Hoddle, the continued support and promotion of the odious Pleat and the badly judged abuse of season ticket holders loyalty (loss of discount in the club shop loss of cup voucher refunds etc)
So the new man or if sources are to be believed, men are on their way, they along with the board get my 100% backing for one last time, I have to for the sake of the club I love, but if all goes the shape of a pear with what must now be plan D and given that ENIC have shafted the fans over too many times before then the following quote applies
All the old knives that have rusted in my back, I drive in yours – Phaedrus (Thrace of Macedonia)
5th February 2004 – A suggestion to Mr Levy
Sir
Given last night’s complete capitulation against the might of ten men man
city may I suggest the following: -
This weeks over inflated wages that is being paid to the spineless XI
that have disgraced our club and club motto, should be paid in cheque form
instead of the normal draft into their Swiss accounts.
Salary cheques to be made available on a table, on the centre spot at
White Hart Lane between 1450 hrs and 1455 hrs this Saturday for this amount of
time and on this date only. If it isn't collected it isn't paid and returned
instead into club funds or donated to a worthy charity (may I suggest the
Samaritans as they are doing some sterling work for the fanbase at the moment)
I would be very interested to see who has the bolloxs to walk out there
and get their cheque cos it would mean they have grown a pair since last night.
Yours despairingly
Rabbi Crackers
Sunday 25th January 2004 – Fred Dowry R.I.P
As many of you may now be aware Fred Dowry passed away travelling to
Manchester to watch his beloved Spurs take on Man City in the F.A cup.
For those of you that didn’t know Fred, he had attended over 600
consecutive Spurs games that included friendlies, overseas tournaments and more
or less anywhere that someone was pulling on a lilywhite shirt, Fred was there.
A regular to the Northumberland Arms pre match, I did once or twice have
a chat with him about his passion for THFC and just how he managed to be so
committed in attending games, especially as we haven’t been the most glamorous
team to follow since 1990 when Fred began his unblemished attendance record. He
lived for the club and match days and as you can imagine was very knowledgeable
not just about Spurs but the game generally.
I don’t really know what else to say except Spurs and Football have lost
a great supporter and wherever Fred is now if there is a football team it
really is their gain and our sad loss.
I hope now the club can find a fitting way to honour Fred’s patronage, I
do know that a few e mails have been sent to the club asking for a minutes
silence the night we play Citeh in the replay, maybe a floral tribute on his
seat for the night too. I understand the trust are going to make some approaches
to the club to see what can be done and I’m sure that over the coming days we
will hear from those involved what has been arranged.
My thoughts and sympathies go out tonight to the family and friends of
Fred.
Saturday 24th January 2004 - Your Support is F****ING S**T…… YOUR SUPPORT IS F**KING S**T
For those of you that haven’t seen the following, it is the
body of text from a web page over at pikeyslags.com. May I also tell you that
it is genuine and does really exist on their site, straight up 100% genuine.
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February 1 is 'Fans' Day' at Highbury! |
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Our match
against Supporters are encouraged to wear red
and also to participate in a number of activities with the aim of enhancing
stadium atmosphere and fans' participation at matches. A group of supporters approached the
Club to discuss ideas in the hope that the fabled Highbury Library can be
transformed into a more lively Highbury. There have also been regular
discussions at our Fans' Forums as to how matchdays can become more
atmospheric occasions. Amongst the events taking place will
be: Karaoke in the North Bank Half-time Henry Dress to Impress The players, more than anyone,
understand the importance of creating a great atmosphere at Highbury - the
supporters can be the team's twelfth man. Gunners skipper Patrick Vieira is
right behind the initiative: "One of the great things about English
football is the atmosphere you get at matches. As players, when you can
really hear the support from the stands it is definitely an inspiration and I
can honestly say that the louder the Arsenal fans are the better - and I know
that's the opinion of all of the lads. "Sometimes I know it is
suggested that Highbury is not one of the country's loudest stadiums but when
the atmosphere is good here, there's nowhere better and any ways of making
matchdays livelier and louder here at Highbury are a great idea in my
opinion." |
So let’s have a little dissection of this shall we. Feb 1st is fans day. What the fuck is every other fixture at Scumbury then? Non fans day?Keep the noise down this is Highbury day?...What the fcuk…..fans day.
Karaoke in the North Wank
Well it makes a nice change for them from the seventies when it was Yiddos in the North bank!! The club, bless em are providing song sheets. Well I suppose that songs are sung so rarely that they’ll all need a reminder for the lyrics.
I thought they would all be familiar with the words of ‘Gypsies, Tramps and Thieves’!!
Half time Henry
Well whoever sits and thinks these ‘catchy’ titles up for each individual event, certainly aint writing jingles or adverts for telly are they!! Half time Henry just rolls of the tongue ehh!! Karaoke in the North bank …. Champion …it’s the next ‘beanz meanz heinz’!!!
So this halftime sing along with some opera bloke, while 75% of the pikeys are behind the stands having a hedgehog sandwich and trying to flog a bit of lucky heather, involves him singing Scum favourites like Volare (or as the philistines know it the Viera song).
How funny would it be if Tony Henry has a bit of a brainstorm and accidentally starts to sing about Barrymore’s pool!!!
And lastly and really leastly
We have dress to impress. The club is looking for the goon who can do his coat up as high as possible around his neck while scurrying up the seven sisters road…….oh im sorry that’s when they are leaving White Hart Lane, silly me.
So there you have it. They have been to Cardiff for an F.A Cup final three years running, won the league, played regular champions league football with away trips to some of the greatest destinations for a jolly up Europe can offer. AND THE CLUB HAS TO PLEAD WITH THEIR FANS TO GET BEHIND THE TEAM.
Last week I put a nail in the tabloids coffin dispelling the myth they peddle that Anderton is a sick note.
This week the lid is shut for good, for next time you read about the ‘fickle spurs fans’ remember the level of support that we give our club financially, emotionally and vocally and all we have to show is ten to fifteen years of moribund mediocrity and then think about the goons that have it all and show no thanks.
Sunday 18th January 2004
Shame on you all…but one other than me (you know who you are!!)
Right a little role-play. I want you to lie down on the couch, and Professor Crackers is going to perform some psychological tests and personality profiling.
Okay to begin with a little word association….
ANDERTON…………… I bet you said sick note didn’t you? mmmmmm, you did didn’t you?
Okay test over you have failed miserably. You are suffering from what’s commonly known as ‘Ibelievewhatthegutterpresswriteitus’
But don’t panic, I’m like the yellow pages…I’m not just here for the nasty things in life!! And I can cure you. Study the tables below, drink them in, and let the statistics that fill your senses take you over ……….
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Appearances |
Goals |
Assists |
Cards |
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Year |
Age |
Team |
Tot |
St |
On |
Off |
Bnch |
Total |
Home |
Away |
1st |
2nd |
As |
Open |
Dead |
Y |
R |
|
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1992/3 |
20 |
TOT |
34 |
32 |
2 |
7 |
0 |
6 |
6 |
0 |
2 |
4 |
0 |
4 |
7 |
0 |
0 |
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1993/4 |
21 |
TOT |
37 |
35 |
2 |
4 |
1 |
6 |
3 |
3 |
1 |
5 |
0 |
8 |
5 |
0 |
0 |
|
|
1994/5 |
22 |
TOT |
37 |
37 |
0 |
2 |
0 |
5 |
2 |
3 |
3 |
2 |
0 |
15 |
12 |
3 |
0 |
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1995/6 |
23 |
TOT |
8 |
6 |
2 |
2 |
0 |
2 |
0 |
2 |
1 |
1 |
0 |
2 |
1 |
0 |
0 |
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1996/7 |
24 |
TOT |
16 |
14 |
2 |
7 |
0 |
3 |
1 |
2 |
3 |
0 |
0 |
4 |
0 |
4 |
0 |
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1997/8 |
25 |
TOT |
15 |
7 |
8 |
5 |
1 |
0 |
0 |
0 |
0 |
0 |
0 |
4 |
0 |
0 |
0 |
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1998/9 |
26 |
TOT |
32 |
31 |
1 |
4 |
0 |
3 |
1 |
2 |
1 |
2 |
0 |
6 |
9 |
6 |
0 |
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1999/00 |
27 |
TOT |
22 |
22 |
0 |
3 |
1 |
3 |
3 |
0 |
3 |
0 |
0 |
2 |
7 |
5 |
0 |
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2000/1 |
28 |
TOT |
23 |
22 |
1 |
4 |
0 |
2 |
2 |
0 |
2 |
0 |
0 |
4 |
5 |
7 |
0 |
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2001/2 |
29 |
TOT |
35 |
33 |
2 |
8 |
0 |
3 |
2 |
1 |
3 |
0 |
0 |
6 |
3 |
1 |
0 |
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2002/3 |
30 |
TOT |
20 |
18 |
2 |
5 |
0 |
0 |
0 |
0 |
0 |
0 |
0 |
6 |
4 |
1 |
1 |
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2003/4 |
31 |
TOT |
17 |
14 |
3 |
4 |
0 |
1 |
0 |
1 |
1 |
0 |
0 |
7 |
1 |
4 |
0 |
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Career |
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296 |
271 |
25 |
55 |
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