In the beginning…
1886: Gooner
Stench. Formed from leftovers
and crap in South
London a good 4 years after Spurs we
born, Dial
Square
as they were originally known played their first match on a field with an
open sewer running through the middle – the stench remains an integral
part of them to this day
1887: Early end. After being battered 2-1 in the first match
between Spurs and Arsenal, Arsenal cried to the ref to get the game abandoned
with 15 minutes to play, which it was – although Spurs were the moral
winners, and have been ever since.
1913: INVASION OF NORTH
LONDON. Henry Norris was a west London
estate agent who dreamed of challenging the dominance of Northern and
midlands clubs in the English League early in the last century. Norris, who
later became mayor of Fulham, a Conservative member of parliament and earned
a knighthood as well as a lifetime ban from soccer, believed that if he
merged ailing Woolwich Arsenal of south London
with Fulham in west London
his dream of a London
super-club could take shape. But the League blocked his proposals, so he cut
his ties with Fulham, gambled all on Arsenal and moved them across the River
Thames and north to the wide-open spaces of Highbury. The only trouble with
this plan was that the new stadium was close to the established homes of
Tottenham three miles north and Clapton Orient, two miles east. Despite Spurs
and Orient's protests, the League was powerless to prevent the move and in
1913 the North London
rivalry between Arsenal-Spurs began. If Tottenham were upset about Arsenal
moving on to their doorstep, they had even more reason to be angry six years
later, for Sir Henry wasn't finished with Spurs.
1919: Get Spurs relegated and Arsenal promoted
from 6th position - In 1915,
when Football ended because of World War One, Chelsea and Spurs had finished
bottom of the first division and Arsenal were sixth in Division two. The
League planned to expand the first division by two clubs and precedent
dictated that the two bottom clubs would stay up and the top two in the
second division would join them. Sir Henry had other ideas. To this day the
details of exactly what occurred at the league's meeting in March 1919
remains a mystery, but by the end of the day, Arsenal had been voted into the
first division and Spurs voted out. Arsenal have never been out of the top
flight since.
1919: Parrot Killers - Spurs embarked on a tour of South America (Argentina
& Uruguay)
in 1909. The boat journey either way to Argentina
was fairly long. One of the distractions provided for the passengers on the
way home was a fancy dress competition. It was actually won by two of the
Spurs' players dressed as Robinson Crusoe and Man Friday. The ship had a
parrot and they had borrowed it as one of their props. As a result the parrot
was presented to the club (or the two players) by the ship's captain. And yes
it is claimed that the bird died on the day the dirty deed took place in
1919, which saw Arsenal replace Spurs in the first division. It has been
suggested in some quarters that this was the origin of the phrase "as
sick as a parrot"! Add Parrot murderers to their list of crimes
1923: Get Gillespie Road station
renamed - The Gooner
scum also managed to get Gillespie Road station renamed to Arsen*l station by some dodgy dealings with London
Transport and the local council. A wrong that should be righted as soon as
they move to their unconverted rubbish dump at Ashburton
Grove.
1924:
Druggie cheats – More tales of Gooners up to no good with manager Leslie Knighton admitting giving performance enhancing drugs to
his shit players during their unsuccessful 1924 FA Cup run.
1927: Help Spurs get relegated – Rumours that they did not play their best in
certain matches to ensure Spurs were relegated
1929: Justice for the
First of the Gooners - Henry Norris – a
lifetime ban from Football – too little too late - Sir Henry got his come-uppance. In 1929 the FA banned him
from soccer because he constantly flouted their rules and was also suspected
of making illegal payments to players. A year after he was banned, Arsenal
won the FA Cup for the first time and in 1931 became the first London side to
win the Championship. Tottenham, meanwhile, spent most of the 1930s in the
second division -- their glory days still in the future
1929: Herbert’s Legacy – Ex
Spur Herbert Chapman managed to get some of the Spurs Lilywhite into their
kit by making the sleeves white – but his other efforts to weaken
Arsenal failed as they won the league a couple of times under his control
1968: Bob Wilson – Oriental spy
1971: George Graham - claimed a goal in some cup final or
other that he blatantly did not get anywhere near to touching
1974: Don Howe – Criminally Insane individual
1979: Alan Sunderland - "and you're
just a murderer, Sunderland"
1979: Peter Story - jail for running a brothel
1980: Peter Story - jail again, this time for counterfeit
gold coins
1981: Kenny Sansom – played
for England
1987: Paul Vassen - Drug stuff
1988: Paul Davis - breaking Glenn Cockerill's jaw during a first division game
1989: Paul Merson and Steve Bould are "disciplined by Arsenal"
after late night incident at sponsor's function.
1989: Arsenal are fined £20,000 by FA for part in brawl
during game against Norwich
1990: Peter Story - jail again - this time for porn
smuggling conviction
1990: Merson, Groves,
Winterburn & Richardson
sent home from club tour of Singapore
following another alleged "late night incident".
1990: Arsenal fined £50,000 by FA and docked two points
after Old Trafford brawl. The Club in turn fined manager George
Graham two weeks wages after holding him responsible for lack of
discipline on the field.
1990: Tony Adams - Jailed on drunk-driving charges.
1991: Paul Merson, Ian Wright and David
Seaman charged by FA with misconduct after incidents at end of first
division match at Oldham.
1982: Lee Dixon – played for England, and even Adams
used to sing “if Dixon plays for England so could I” to him in
training
1993: Andy Linaghan makes anti
Semitic remarks to Jewish Taxi driver
1993: Ian Wright banned for three games after FA commission
upheld charge that he had directed a punch at Tottenham's David Howells
during game at White Hart Lane. Commission also fine George Graham
£500 for improper remarks to referee Alf Bush after same match.
1994: Paul Merson, probably for a
bet or when he was pissed, was sent to drug addiction clinic
1994: David Seamen dumped his Mrs and Kids for some floozy
1994: George Graham's £430,000 bungs first reported
1995: Ray Parlour arrested after punch-up with Hong Kong
taxi-driver on a club tour
1995: Graham found guilty by FA inquiry and banned from
football for 12 months.
1995: David Hillier charged by police for credit card and
luggage theft at airport.
1996: Donkey Adams
confesses to his teammates that he is an alcoholic (and then puts his arm
round them telling them they are his best mate).
1996: Nigel Winterburn under
investigation by the FA after the police reported him to match officials for
making inflammatory gestures towards rival supporters in the wheelchair
section
1996: Ian Wright (again) on an FA Misconduct charge for
calling Sheffield Wednesday manager David Pleat a pervert.
1996: Arsenal players
involved in half-time scuffle with Coventry
players in the tunnel & Ian Wright smashes and badly breaks Coventry
goalkeeper Steve Ogrizivic's nose
1996. Unfounded & completely untrue rumours circulated
about Arsene Wenger being
a paedophile! which he most certainly is not.
1998: From the repulsive JVC, they are now sponsored by the
Italian word for Wank, Sega. Apparently
“Arsenal” means something disgusting in most languages
1998: Dutch winger Glenn Helder
attempted suicide after becoming a compulsive gambler whilst at Scumbury
1999: Despite "New" Arsenal, they still have the worst
disciplinary record in the league
1999: Ian Wright Chicken tonight advert
1999: Graham Rix - Old Gooner
instincts die hard, as he joins the rest of his former team mates inside for
a spot of under age sex
1999: Sheffield
United in the Cup scandal - Typical
example of their cheating ethos. It was the 5th round, it was 1-1. A Sheff United striker had gone down after a Grimandi challenge and the ball was cleared, eventually
coming through to the United keeper and, as Bergkamp
closed in, the keeper cleared into touch so his team-mate could receive
treatment. There followed a break while the United man got treatment, and was
substituted. Parlour then took the throw, but rather than give it back to
United, as almost all honourable sportsmen will do, he threw it to Kanu who passed it to Overmars
who scored the winner. Evil and wicked
2000: Patrick Vieira sent off twice in
the space of 2 games for violent conduct.
2000: Arsene Wenger charged with
charged with threatening behaviour and physical intimidation of fourth
official Paul Taylor
2001: Ray Parlour illegal parking of a caravan
2001: Sol Campbell using a public toilet
2001: Monkey Keown assault charge
during a game with Leeds
2001: Vieira sent off to 8th time –
although to be fair he was having a go at Dennis Wise
2001: Silvinho sold for possessing
too much flair, Stepanovs, Grimandi,
Luzhny breathe a sigh of relief
2001: Monkey Keown pretends to
be elbowed to get Hasselbaink sent off
2001: Vieira - cheats to win a penalty against Shalke
2001: Gooner Bin Laden
– The world most wanted man is revealed as a Gooner
2001: Pires –
caught spitting at Kevin Muscat during a France
match
2001: Planning permission for New Scumbury – Years after the Gillespie
Road
station naming fiasco, the Goons are in league with Islington Council to get
planning permission to move to the council rubbish dump. No hint of wrong
doing at all as the stadium gets the go-ahead despite:
-
Safety concerns at the North end of the complex |
